Cinematic Word Abuse

Hollywood, we've talked about this. Stop it. Just make up your own words when you need some hocus-pocus to happen. Don't steal our real words and abuse them.

It's bad enough in police mystery shows. "Encrypted pixels" and stuff. Don't use or combine words that you don't understand. It's bad writing, and the resulting scenes are bad. But now, there's a film whose very title is wrong.

"The Source Code", the generic deep voice says, after the entire plot is shown in a 30-second TV spot.

I've glimpsed plenty of ads for this movie, which only means it could be anywhere from six months before the theatrical release to sitting in the DVD bargain bin at the grocery store. But "The Source Code", which is English for human-readable instructions for a computer, written in C or Python or Java or whatnot, here means "some magical means of time travel". Do me a favor, while you're in your web browser. Hit "View"->"Page Source" to open the source code for this page; there's some JavaScript near the bottom. See if you go hurtling back in time. Did it work? No? Hm.

See, instead of "modern day vampires = $$$", the lesson that should have been learned from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is this: Set the show up on a hellmouth, or some other place where magic and demons and impossible-but-fun nonsense is real. Don't say the computer is magic. It's not. While we're at it, no more loser-in-a-tree vampires either, 'kay?

But back to my point, don't hijack real words and phrases! Source code is very important and useful for many reasons, but time travel is not among them! I'll even go one step further and try to be constructive. Call it the Ghost Minutes Spell, or the Past Injection Curse. If you really want to have computers involved, stick it in a Matrix-like setting and call it the Crisis Backtrace or the ... actually, I can't come up with any computer words other than "backtrace" that even vaguely could have something to do with time travel.

But who am I to tell Hollywood producers anything, huh? I've only been writing source code since I was six. ...And, come to think of it, I also wrote two terrible movies, complete with crappy (though not outright lying) titles. At least I had the decency to not be able to finish shooting the second one. ;^)

Religion in America

Of developed, post-industrial nations, the US has an unusually high amount of religion, per capita and in terms of individuals' levels of devotion. I've heard a number of reasons this might be true, but this morning I heard one that seems pretty valid.

Religion in America is business.

We have no "national religion" here, and the sane among us would like to keep it that way. What we do have is carte blanche for businesses to do and to grow in any way they're able, and this presents an opportunity for entrepreneurs: figure out how to keep the pews filled.

Insert a Mark Twain quote here about all the people of the world united in worshiping money. Business is the American national religion, and vice-versa. In a way, churches are just about the only Main Street businesses left. Attempts have been made at Wal-Mart-style mega-houses of worship, but they largely haven't caught on. Who knows whether that's good or bad, but it's what the invisible hand of the market has determined.

Religious disagreements and intolerances are, in this society, less about traditional persecution and holy wars, and more akin to brand loyalty. I'm glad there are less western-society-on-western-society bloodbaths and flame-happy witch hunts these days, but just like its relationship with politics, religion's pairing with business seems only to distort and cheapen it. What Would Jesus Sell? Evidently, he's a key spokesperson for guns, homophobia, and censorship of evolution and climate science. It's a bit hard to imagine the pacifistic, middle-eastern Jewish philosopher sitting on the board of directors going over the return on investment of these branches.

Personally, I have neither business acumen nor religious faith, but it makes me glad to see either used to help others. My employer, Messaging Architects, just matched all of its employees' donations to help out in Japan. At the same time, I find very depressing the common power grabs and the systemic corruption and the excuses to be extremely crappy to one another. I guess the lessons are the same. Our religious and/or corporate collectives have their own agendas, and can be measured better by the quality, not the quantity, of people under their umbrellas.

Gah, Spam

It's been a long time since this (low, low traffic) blog had any attention from spammers, but I got a batch today, every post on the front page was suddenly linking to some lovely pyramid scheme.

The good news:
I cleaned it all up, and now have changed the comment settings. Moderation is on, and so are public comments. So now anyone can post, but it's got to survive the filter known as me. :^)

The bad news:
Just as I was deleting stuff I think I saw a legit comment or two, which I also haven't had in quite a while. So if you commented and I blew it away, it was nothing personal! Try 'er again and as long as you're not selling the opportunity of a lifetime, I'll pass it on through.

Daylight Wastings Time

Grumble grumble... outdated idea that made no sense to begin with, stealing a precious hour of sleep every year...

Franklin had lots of good ideas, and Arizona lots of bad ones, but in this case I've got to come down on the side of not screwing around with the already arbitrarily-defined clocks twice a year.

For that matter, I'd be perfectly fine moving the entire planet to 24-hour UTC (or GMT, whatever you want to call it), maybe start chipping away at the mass delusions we seem to have about each being at the center of anything.

posted at: Sun Mar 13 18:44:04 UTC 2011

Pride

I'm proud of my home state of Wisconsin, for its good people being properly outraged by the recent disgraceful actions of its senate and governor. Keep fighting the good fight, fellow cheeseheads! Don't let these corrupt, backwards bastards get away with their bullshit.

I'm proud of my current-home state of Utah today too, not over anything political, but because when I pulled into the liquor store's parking lot today (in preparation for brat Friday) I wasn't the only one waiting for its doors to open. There was even a lady who took her kids in there, which I guess I've got more mixed feelings about, but salutations to we the few drinkers here in Utah valley.

I'm proud of the people in the middle east fighting for their freedom, and I'm proud of our president and everyone else who is sending aid to Japan and other devastated areas. There's a lot of frighteningly bad stuff going on at the moment, but we have to keep a level head and support the good guys.

Banterly (plug for a buddy)

My friend Proby has put together a service called Banterly. It's a live chat hosting service; you can join or set up public or private rooms for any topics you like. At the moment it uses Twitter for authentication, so I haven't tried it yet, but I'm sure he'll appreciate whatever little publicity I can give him. If you're a twit- I mean, if you ... use twitter, give it a try!

http://www.banter.ly/

Gee Wiz

A while ago (a year? I don't know) I bought a GP2X Wiz. It's a little Gameboy-like device which, unlike most others, is designed to be open for all developers. My first reaction to reading about it was, "hey, I could get TONG to run on that!"

...If that was gibberish to you, TONG is a game I wrote ages ago in which you are tasked with playing Tetris and Pong on the same screen at the same time. It's very hard, and I apologize to anyone who has gone insane while playing it.

Anyway, so I bought a Wiz, with the primary purpose of porting TONG to it. But I got busy, and it became a lower priority, and then it just kind of sat there neglected and forgotten for a long while.

A week or so ago I came upon it and decided to charge it up again, and load it with some games from the internet. Time to see what people who hadn't forgotten about it had accomplished. As I was browsing and downloading various free games, what did I find but TONG! Some crazy person out there had found my game, played it, enjoyed it (at least enough to want a portable version), then dug into the source code and data, made some modifications, cross-compiled it for the device, then shared the resulting package with the Wiz community. That blew my mind a bit.


Anyway I'm very pleased. It's a bit of a quick and dirty port, using a slightly older version of TONG and the music was missing, but it runs great! I'm distributing a version of it myself now, with some new features, all the music intact and using the latest code.

Has anyone seen TONG spring up anywhere else? I was hoping to get it running on the Wii at some point, has somebody done that already? :^)

Actualized!

It was right! I was going to take a photo of this, type some stuff in, and post it, but I didn't even need to! I just affirmed it (whatever that means), visualized it, believed it, and this post, complete with photo, just actualized itself! ...Oh wait, no it didn't.

And isn't "actualize" an accounting word?

Anyway, dumbest "fortune" so far. I've followed its instructions to the letter but it hasn't caused even a single beer to materialize before me.

New Morning Routine

"Cat... Move, I have to go through the door."

No. Is mine sunny spot.

We done. You go way now.

Really?

You have a quiet and unobrusive nature.

That's my "fortune", according to the cookie I got with lunch today. Really more of an observation cookie, I'd say. At least it was pretty accurate.

I do have a "get out of the way" trait. I don't know if it's a recessive expression from the absence of the dominant and common "me-first" gene, or an overdeveloped sense of personal space, or what. But it causes problems when trying to buy stuff at concerts or when I have something to say but there's never a silent beat in a conversation.

Part of it is as simple as the golden rule. I hate being interrupted, so it feels hateful to do it to someone else. I don't much care for loudness either.

Part of it is basic courtesy. At a busy four-way stop, I can count to four without even having to take my hands off the wheel. Many people cannot, chief among them drivers of large pickup trucks. I find that annoying, but not enough to get assertive about it. Not against vehicles and people that thick.

In fact, my "quiet and unobtrusive nature" is fighting against this post being published. I'm not penning any meaningful statements, making any insightful observations, or even sharing any funny thoughts. I find myself asking why I should pollute the web with this, why I should waste the time of anyone who happens to read it.

Well, nuts to you, recessive genes! I'm posting! That's the way the fortune cookie crumbles!

Weight

I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I thought I was. My clothes still fit the same. Maybe it's all beard?

Sony, Go Sue Yourself

Warning: geekiness and venting ahead!

A few years ago, a very fancy (though unimaginatively-named) gaming machine was released, the PlayStation 3. I got one, for gaming reasons (Metal Gear, primarily) and because it had a novel feature for a gaming console: the ability to run GNU/Linux (or other operating systems as well) out of the box. I get to write and run my own code on a high-end 7-core CELL system? Yes please!

Of course, games are the primary business of the system, but the "Other OS" feature was widely advertised and very appealing to people like me. Recently, though, Sony saw fit to steal that feature away from myself and thousands of other geeky, premium-paying, early-adopting, target-audience technophiles. A mandatory system update removed the functionality completely. (I sure hope Ford doesn't remove my emergency brake, just because relatively few people use it...)

So there we were, a bunch of geeks who want to write our own programs to run on our own fancy PS3s, with the rug pulled out from under us. Well, turns out that us geeks, we're kinda geeky. And some of us are pretty clever. (I use "us" rather broadly there; I personally have only a little knowledge of how the PS3 works.) Long story short, some very bright people figured out ways to once again be able to load and run our own programs on a PS3. What Sony taketh, the community giveth back.

Now, Sony has filed for restraining orders against several of the lead geeks who won us back our freedom. As best I can tell, it amounts to nothing more than a scare tactic. Nevertheless, let's boil down this chain of events:
- Sony: Buy a PS3! You can even write your own software for it!
- Geeks: Yayy! Here's lots of money!
- Sony: Mmm, money...
- Geeks: This machine is great! Gaming AND homebrew!
- Sony: Actually... no more writing your own stuff.
- Geeks: What?! We paid for that, give it back!
- Sony: No.
- Geeks: Oh look, we can still write our own stuff.
- Sony: Lawyers ATTACK!

From Sony's point of view, the new ways of running homebrew are cause for concern, because some folks will very likely figure out how to copy and play retail PS3 games they haven't paid for. (In fact, they already have.) But that's not why I care about it, and it's not why most other geeks care about it. We care because we bought a machine that we could code for, and we intend to keep it that way. We were quite happy with Sony's sanctioned, non-piracy-enabling "Other OS" feature. Once they removed it, what were we supposed to do? Stop being geeks and give up on something we already had? Have you ever met a geek? That's not how we roll.

There is a class-action lawsuit concerning Sony's mass theft, or bait-and-switch, or whatever one wants to call it. But it won't succeed; the law protects wealthy (and foreign, in this case) corporations, not consumers. The homebrew community, all of us still fans of the PS3, simply want the machine we purchased: a beefy system that plays games, shows blu-rays, and runs homebrew.

[update: the class-action case was indeed thrown out.]

That's what you sold us, Sony. That's what we all agreed to. You stole part of our own PS3s from us, and we've taken it back. If you want to sue someone for opening roads that could lead to piracy, go sue yourself.

Young Claus and Sharp Claus

"Young Claus" and "Sharp Claus"

Some say my too-lazy-to-shave beard has earned me the appearance of a young Santa (or possibly the ghost of Christmas present). And the cat, well, you maybe can figure out that pun for yourself.

Anyway, Happy Holidays!

Edit:
I've been asked a few times what that shirt says. It features a Nintendo controller and says, "I have control issues."
...but I like the sentence it forms in the photo: "I have... cat."

The Blind Blinding the Blind

I've had more occasion to drive at night lately, so in addition to dealing with the usual Blind-spot Billy, Cell-phone Cindi, Double-lane Doug, Lane-weaver Lenny and Slow-merge Stella, I get to contend with another faceless freeway stereotype: Nova-beam Ned.

You've seen this guy, right? Who could miss him?

Now, I'm an engineer. I understand and appreciate that the task which falls to headlights is one of cruel difficulty. A car's headlight must illuminate (well into human-eye levels) a relatively flat surface (which is usually black), as great a distance as possible, without melting its surroundings (in fact, there's a nice hot internal combustion engine inches away), from an angle that's approaching zero degrees.

It's a ridiculous job. So, in many vehicles (see: status symbol pickups) the headlights play fast and loose with the low angle. Mount 'em higher, and the other problems shrink. Of course, it means that the driver of that car gets to see better, while the drivers of every other car on the road get two retinas full of blinding glare.

A second (and even more evil) tactic is to replace the light bulb with a dimensional portal, connected via space-time-bending wormhole to a massive star currently going supernova. ...Or maybe it's just a really powerful blue bulb, I guess that's possible. Whatever they are, I hate them, and if you have them in your car, I hate you, and you are a bad person.

Nova-beam Ned: To call you a heartless sociopath would be an insult to the heartless sociopath community. I want to mount a heavy and expensive adjustable parabolic mirror on my car, to reflect the torrent of angry light blasting from your evidently nuclear-powered car down to a fine point, focused like the sun through a magnifying glass, directly into your eyes. Once your irises are vaporized and your corneas aflame, I want to shatter those blue bulbs of death, and grind the resulting mess of broken glass and high-voltage wire right into the raw, bleeding cavities once home to your eyes, wreaking havoc on the remaining nerve tissue and sending unholy wattage into the optic center of your brain.

Do I want to do these things because I'm sadistic? Well maybe. But mainly, I want karma to balance. I want done unto you what you have done unto others. ...Actually, I just want you to use regular non-nova-beam headlights like a sane person. Would that work for you?

(see? So much nicer...)

A Moment of Silence For Cheese

This has been a difficult week for my stomach to ... stomach. Village Inn no longer serves their cheddar soup at all, and Training Table (also known to me as cheese-fries-with-hickory-sauce-place) has closed and is being torn down.

Got plenty of good cheese at home, so life as I know it hasn't fundamentally changed, but what's a blog for if I can't sometimes whine about little things that make me sad?

Bad News Is Neutral News

I've gone on about Utah drivers before, but today it got personal. I had to swerve well outside the rightmost lane in order to avoid a very speedy weaver. There was plenty of room in all lanes, but I guess he thought the space I was occupying was where he had to be. In any case my jumpy heart sank as I heard what I was sure was the side of my car scraping against a concrete barrier. Little punk in his little phallic low-rider black car sped off.

When I arrived at the office a few minutes later (in a pretty foul mood), I saw no damage at all. I'm thinking I must have just winged one of those solid-looking-but-flimsy orange drums, and the sound I heard was adrenaline-distorted or something.

Later, I took my wife out for lunch at one of our usual haunts, only to be horrified that my usual Wednesday soup (Wisconsin cheddar) was not on the menu. I guess I could have ordered something that wasn't the lunch special, or tried one of the not-Wisconsin-cheddar soups. But hadn't I been through enough today?

When the waitress came by and I asked if the cheese soup was truly gone, she said no, they did have it today. I was so happy, I didn't even have the presence of mind to find out whether that meant they had it today only or if they'll keep having it every Wednesday.

But I'm alive, the car's alive, and I got my cheese. So, scary moments notwithstanding, I'll still call this day a success. In the words of the great Dr. Zoidberg, "Life was bad, but now it's good! Forever!"

Stars

While playing around with bits of a campaign sign, I noticed something I hadn't before. Stars (the shapes, not the flaming balls of gas) come in two varieties. There's the happy right-side-up twinkle-twinkle star...

...and then there's the upside-down, goat-sacrifice, satan-worship star...


Anyway, I just thought it was interesting to see which variety was chosen for each of the major party emblems.


I won't make any further commentary than that. Just thought I'd share.

Election Fun

This morning, when my wife and I went to vote, we came across a campaign sign, right there on the public school grounds of our polling place. Across the street on someone's private property, I'd be fine with, but no. Not at the polling location. Not cool. I wasn't about to stand for that. So I knocked it over.

After voting, on our way back to the car, I swiped it.

During the morning meeting at work, my coworkers and I sliced it up and made it better. So, I hereby present our improved campaign signs:













Rodders asked, after we'd had our way with the sign, whether I'd taken a "before" picture. I hadn't, so we pieced it back together as best we could. So in case you're wondering what started this little adventure, here's the sign more or less as we saw it, inappropriately standing outside the polls:


Best of luck to your opponents, Mike. Your supporters have no class.

Anyway, everyone who hasn't already: Get out and vote! Even if it's for this goon. Vote! Do it now!

VOTE.

Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it.

-Socrates

Get out there and vote, even if tragedy is inevitable.

-Me